How to Blossom When You’re Criticized

It hurts to be criticized, doesn’t it? Even when you earned the criticism and could actually learn from it. Yesterday, a woman I interviewed for a magazine article sent me negative feedback on how I handled the interview. Specifically, she said I should have told her before the interview that her answers may not be included in the article.

She called me inconsiderate. Ouch! But she’s right. I should have told her in advance that I can’t include all my research and interviews in all my articles. I’m limited by the editors’ assigned word count and the quality of the information I receive.

Writers are supposed to have thick skins…but it still stings to be criticized.

How do you handle criticism? Do you get angry and defensive, or withdraw and hide? Maybe you’re somewhere in between, like me.

Can you grow through criticism?

I know it’s possible for people in general to grow through criticism…but can you? Do you? It helps if you build your self-image on the rock-solid foundation of Christ’s love. If you see yourself the way God sees you, the worst criticism loses its power to hurt you. Criticism doesn’t change who you are, how lovable and loved you are, or how valuable your contribution to the world is.

Righteous criticism can be a gift that helps you grow stronger and healthier. When you stay open and yielding after getting negative feedback, you give yourself the gift of growth. Criticism – as painful as it is – can be an opportunity to learn, flourish, and yes…even blossom.

How will I respond to the criticism I received? I’ll apologize to her for not being clear with her from the start, and ensure I don’t make the same mistake again. And my writing will improve - as will my relationships with future interviewees.

May you receive enough critical feedback to help you grow and flourish, but not so much that it destroys your spirit.

What a counselor says about getting criticized

“It’s important to assess the source of the criticism,” says Marie. “and not take it too personally, especially if you acted with good intentions.” She adds that as a psychotherapist, she’s learned how to distinguish between reactive versus constructive criticism. She doesn’t take reactive comments personally.

Reactive criticism (eg, calling someone inconsiderate without giving an example, or referring to something that happened long ago) is sneaky, poisonous, judgmental. Constructive criticism, on the other hand, includes negative feedback but its primary intention is to share information and facilitate growth.

Instead of getting emotional or defensive when you’re criticized, take a step back. Is it a critical and reactive, or possibly helpful feedback? You might even look at the situation from the other person’s perspective.

If I had taken a step back when I was criticized, I would have realized that my critic was genuinely ignorant about how freelance writers work. I would’ve seen that her criticism made sense to her - even if it made no sense to me. And, I would’ve separated my feelings about being called inconsiderate from the realization that I really did fail to explain my research and writing process clearly.

Now that I know better, I will do better.

May you blossom when you encounter criticism. May you see straight to the heart of the matter, and may you grow bigger, stronger, and ever more beautiful.

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” - Franklin P. Jones

Blessings and Blossoms,
Laurie

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